I found out yesterday that a former love interest is dating an acquaintance. For some odd reason, when I learned this instead of being happy for them, I felt upset; like someone decided to grab my heart mid-thump and squeeze while pulling my gut down to my feet and pouring acid into it.
I just didn’t feel right. I was upset, but not upset upset- if you can understand what I am trying to say. I was upset that I wasn’t in a relationship. That I wasn’t sharing the good news. That I didn’t have arm candy for the summer.
Thinking about it now, a day later, I realize how selfish I was (am) being. I am not hurt that he moved on, but that I can’t have him on the back burner anymore; that I no longer have the satisfaction of knowing that “Yes he wants me but I don’t want him.” I am upset that I am not the center of his attention. And while it’s sad to vocalize this (or type it), I am happy that I understand exactly what I am feeling. It’s really just sad that I am green for all the wrong reasons.
Has this ever happened to you? Did you realize exactly what it was that you were feeling?