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Monthly Archives: March 2012

Sabotage. It’s a word we know fairly well. We use it whenever we feel that someone, or something, has prevented us from reaching the goal we had in mind.

We throw it around playfully in conversations, as a sprinkle of light humor, “Joan why did you post that embarrassing picture of me on Facebook? Are you trying to sabotage me?”.  We take a stab at a frenemie’s character. “You will not believe what I heard Jill said about me. She is such a saboteur!”

As much as we claim to understand the act of sabotage, I feel that we don’t truly take the time to evaluate the real saboteur in our lives.

Now you’re probably wondering what I am talking about, you’re  saying ” I already know the source of my problems.” Well back up, take a deep breath and find the nearest mirror.

Yes, the gorgeous person looking back at you is your saboteur: the main reason for your roadblocks of life.

Well…maybe it’s not that way for everyone, but during my self-reflection (yes, I self-reflect.) I had to ask myself this question, “Do I self-sabotage?”

Sadly, the answer was yes.

I self-sabotage because I find myself pushing good things away because of fear. A cute guy keeps trying to get my attention, I ignore him or just disappear from his vicinity (I am so immature!). There is a position that a mentor recommends that I apply for, I find excuses as to why it wouldn’t a good time to take the opportunity.

Looking at my actions, I can only conclude that the sabotage is probably a manifestation of low self-esteem. I feel as if I’m not good enough, so to prevent others from seeing the flaws within me I push away opportunities when they come knocking. Continuously, I close doors then stand there envious of others and their successes in life; letting life pass me by.

Well DAMMIT! NOT ANYMORE! What is the point in that?

Anyway, acceptance is the first step, so I have accepted it and decided to move fearlessly into my future. Where it will take me I don’t know, but what is the worst that can happen? Someone may reject me because of my flaws but so what, out there are those who will accept me, as I am, flaws and all.

Have you ever discovered that you were the saboteur? What happened? How did you change?

I made this by myself. This is free for anyone...

I see a level of arrogance in creating this blog. Its very existence rests on the assumption that my musings are of importance to some random stranger.

I can imagine a learned person pursuing her blog roll and randomly stumbling upon mine. A light bulb goes off as she reads, seeing intelligence and wit in my daily thought process, and she feels an instantaneous connection to what I am writing. Arrogant I know!

Yet isn’t this what an author relies on whenever she writes? Every time a book is published, everyone, from the editor to the publishing house, is relying on the fact that somewhere in the world there is a literate someone with time to spare. They hope that the spared time is on their novel and that time bolsters the creation of a long-term relationship.

So literate someone, please spare me a second and take a glimpse into the chaos that is my mind. Perhaps my musings will intrigue you enough to stay.